Saturday, June 18, 2005
Well, the past few days have been really average at most; with training everyday as routine, I'd say I've benefitted very much from this week as being productive. One thing however, is beginning to trouble me.

I make it a point to call Shan sometimes, I sent her a little sms to her this afternoon with a little message inside too. And I really do look forward to whenever she calls me. The problem is, sometimes I'm in the middle of training and she calls. This usually leads up to a series of about 4-5 missed calls. I just don't want her to get the impression that I'm deliberately avoiding her for some reason, it's because you called me when I'm busy. I swear when I say I get excited when she calls, I really do, but why doesn't she seem to be happy when she hears my voice anymore?

I smile everytime I hear that sweet 'Hello!' of hers but why Shan? Now it just seems to dwindle into silence and all I ever hear you say is, "I'm bored/I'm tired/I'm sleepy". I know every couple would say that's not what they want to hear from each other, and that's not what I want to hear too.Perhaps it could be the fact that you really miss me each day you don't get to see me butI just can't take it anymore..I want to hear you tell me about what you do each day, about the things you do that make you happy, just to know how you feel. Not to say what I feel and hearing a glum voice on the other side..

I don't wanna hear, "Okay,you go do your stuff" with such a depressed or upset voice and I don't wanna hear you say, "The what do you want me to say?". You should know Shan..everytime we speak, we should be telling each other what we hear in our hearts. There IS a difference between making calling a daily routine or a chore or turning it into an overdone habit. I just want to hear you say, "I miss you". It might be short and simple but I think these three words sound and MEAN a whole lot more to me baby.

My mind's in a knot now..everytime I think of the phone conversations we have, I don't know how to express or talk about it. It's just...dwindling.Yes, we can and should call to check to see if we're ok, but we must be careful not to overdo it because I don't wanna reach that stage where we've run out of things to talk about. Sometimes, when you know I'm not there and you need to spice up your life, you ARE still free to do so! I'm not stopping you from making or finding new friends or hanging out with my friends. You just musn't be afraid to socialise.

Baby, I love you..just think about these things. I miss you.


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